Friday, October 05, 2007

Dealing with cheekiness - advice please!

Any advice on what to do to combat cheekiness and name-calling? I've never had to deal with it like this before - I think a certain problem child at preschool is setting an example that Billy is emulating because it's only started since this boy arrived...

He's name calling, being cheeky, and out and out rude to me & Pete at times. We've tried ignoring, punishing with loss of tv priveleges, no treats etc, smacking (yes, call DOCS, we smack our child at times...) - nothing seems to be getting through, he just smirks which makes us even madder. It's even worse atm because I let him have a couple of flavoured ice-creams the other day and he's flying high from the colours :(

Like tonight - he was being silly at bedtime and not asking for his water properly (just pointing and saying Drink, drink). I refused to pass it to him until he asked properly - he finally did, I passed the drink, and he muttered something of which I caught the words "You're a P", I suspect the bit I missed was "poo-poo head" which seems to be a favourite :( The rest of his bedtime routine was immediately terminated and I left with him in tears. Tomorrow it will be as if he was never punished for it though..

Is it a 5 year old phase??! Any ideas from the seasoned mums?


libby said...

HI Kerrie,

I had to laugh - you could be talking about Christy - who just turned six. Yes being called a poo-poo seems to be the highest insult at school. We've been making fun of it at home to try and take the insult out of it. I think it's working.
We've gone back to using the Super Nanny naughty corner for rude behaviour and it works for her. She was speaking to us really badly a few weeks back but with starting up the naughty corner again she's been much better - and only going once every couple of days compared to a few times a day when we started. Don't you just hate it when they smirk at you?


Ali said...

the only discipline that works with my daughter is banning her from watching TV or going on the computer and lately I had to resort to taking down her posters in the bedroom.

I always remember Dr Phil saying take away the things that mean the most to the child......

good luck!

lightening said...

Good luck! :-) Try to stay calm and remember that most of these things are phases and while they feel like they'll never end, if you stay on top of them, they seem to (until the next phase starts). Parenting sure isn't an easy task. Do your best to stay calm. Easier said than done I know. We're going through the "pre-teen" stuff at the moment with our almost 10 year old.

Joy said...

It sounds like you are doing all the right things already, Kerrie. Hopefully it is just a stage. Things will probably change once you start homeschooling too. Hang in there! Parenting is hard work sometimes!



Alita said...

I'm with Joy - parenting is hard work!
Every child is different and will require a different approach. We have 3 girls and they can be a real handful at times.
Time out is a good one. My SIL used to have a piece of carpet that she used to put her kids on when they were naughty (portable). I think a lot of the time its just to get a reaction.

Kez said...

Thanks everyone - I'll just keep on keeping on, and muttering "This too shall pass" to myself :)

Emma said...

My darling boy is only 4 and he has been through the poo poo head stage, along with the sticking out the bum and making farting noises and then laughing himself silly until he falls over. Yes, he also got it from another boy at kindy who came from a centre that had after school care- so this new boy has a whole lot of ammo up his sleeve and I'm not happy!!!!!

I have been reading so much about parenting lately cause it seems that nothing i say to him will get through- I know what you mean about the next day nothing happened. That is the frustrating bit!!!

All the info I've had talks about the kids 'currency'- like what Ali said. Find out what makes them tick (for the present moment in time) and take it away. The problem I had was that he didn't really give a toss about anything! If I took something away, he would find something else!

frustrating!!!! Let us know how you get on with him!!

Anonymous said...

Don't stress Kez it is completely normal for that age. They are exploring friendships and independence. The trick is to nip it in the bud NOW before it moves to the next level.

From my experience the consequence still has to be immediate at his age so taking away tv for a day or computer loses it's effect as he has forgotten why he lost it.

At that age when 1 of mine talked to me with words I didn't like I would tell them " don't speak to mummy like that, I know your friends at kindy find it funny but it is rude and I don't like it. If you speak to me like that again you will have to have a time out." (Time out in this house was always sitting in the laundry for however long they are old. ie 4yrs = 4 mins. time out only works if they are somewhere boring). Some days it would work a treat the first time, others it would take a few trips but for me it was the most reliable.

Now they are all older and DD14 is only now starting to try out the talking-back or mumbling under her breathe at me. Sadly she's not very good at it yet and gets caught everytime.


Erin! said...

I agree with the immediate consequences bit, at this age group they may or may not remember the reason for long term punishments, ie DD6.5yrs had her cartridges and controllers removed from her super nintendo for three weeks, but that was a big punishment for stealing some money. Simple things like rudeness earn a straight away punishment, like instantly turning off the tv if they are watching it, or removal of a treat.

My mother used to wash our mouths out with soap, lol but if you find the smirking annoying, imagine how my mother felt when my brother and i stood there and ate the entire cake of soap she was using to punish us with and then enjoyed hiccupping bubbles for the next half an hour.

Now mind you, i did try this once with DS with the tiniest dab of liquid handwash, which tastes foul, and he did not think it tasted all that good either, so he only needed the threat of a larger amount of soap in mouth if he said those words again and that was highly effective on him.

As they get older you can use more logic and reasoning with them, for instance, DS doesnt normally swear, and on occasion he has told me off for swearing (like when i ripped the tendon in my ankle and said F88k rather loudly) which has then prompted a discussion (he was 7 at the time) about how some words can be used in different ways, such as all the uses of bloody, it can be descriptive or offensive and how sometimes (like in severe pain) you might say a bad word without thinking because your body goes with whatever it relates to that level of pain.

We also discussed that some words sound bad no matter how they are used, but that once you are an adult, for the most part it is your own discretion as to what words you use.

So on one particular day earlier this year when i heard DS exclaim Shit at a very loud volume, I decided to investigate why, as he normally does not use that language, turns out he dropped a large metal can which sliced the very end (only 2 millimetres thankfully) off the end of his big toe, but it had scared him as he thought it was going to land further down his toe. Also, he immediately said 'oh i am so sorry mum, i got such a scare and the swear word just came out'.

Considering that is the only time i have heard him say it, and i have also heard him tell his sister off for saying it, and then explain to her why it is not nice to say, I know that the discussion was age appropriate for him, he "gets" the concepts of use, context, etc.

Ok rambled enough now.


Erin! said...

Oh should have also said, with DD, we have put a timeline on these sorts of things, see you can choose to do or say these things when you are old enough to have a licence (and not l plates, has to be a full licence, which proves you are an adult in DD's thinking). So while she is not to swear or any of this now, it is not a permanent ban to which she will choose to rebel (she is strong minded adn stubborn just like I was lol), she has a timeline that says when she gets to this age, then she can use these words if she wants to.

This was adjoined by a discussion on how using certain words, while other teenagers or kids might think they are being cool, most people look at them and go oh what idiots or what disgusting kids, or gee they must have really bad parents. So when she is old enough to use these words, hopefully she will think first about what using them will mean in relation to how people treat her.

These discussions mainly happen in the car or when we are sitting in the car waiting to pick someone up etc, you know when you are confined in that small space and if you dont keep their attention all hell breaks loose in the back seat! LOL well i use it as my captive audience time. We also sing and discuss pokemon and other stuff too, but they will actually listen attentively and discuss when trapped in the car.

Kez said...

Thanks so much for the advice Emma, Kylie and Erin. A few other parents must have complained at preschool about some of the words coming home - they've had a few talks at preschool about good and "silly" words, so at least that seems to have settled down a bit!